Monday, September 08, 2008

Hey Fellas, Let's Talk

Three vignettes:

#1 Mrs. E., the science teacher on my team, regaled the FAC with this dialogue:

Mrs. E.: To the class Now that you've practiced taking measurements, turn your worksheet over, close your eyes, and draw a bunch of straight lines on the back of it. Then measure them!
Mrs. E. wanders the room, monitoring. Her teacher-senses tingle and she hones in on one corner.
Mrs. E.: What's the problem, Vanessa?
Vanessa: Miss, I don't get it. How are you supposed to measure with your eyes closed?

#2 While walking a student to class on Friday, I decided to pull out my AVID training and inspire the kid:

Me: Hey, Omar, have you thought at all about what college you might want to go to?
Omar: Not really, Miss. Maybe this one in Mexico.
Me: You know, Omar, there are some colleges that will pay YOU to go there if you are a good soccer player.
Omar: Really?
Me: seeing the magic gleam in his eye, springing on it Yes! And college classes are FUN! What do you want to do for a living?
Omar: getting more excited Oh, Miss, I already know! I want to be a porn star! Because you get free sex, and they PAY you for it!

AVID never covered that one.

#3 I was standing at the back of the room today, trying to get a kid to behave better through proximity while I explained to the class how to fill out a worksheet. As I spoke, I felt a hand grabbing my chunky silver bracelet. As the hand squeezed it, the kid it belonged to (same as the one I was proximinating) said (while I was mid-sentence, mind you), "That's a cool bracelet, Miss! What's it made of?"

Thus proving that while I was giving them instructions, he was actually thinking, "Ooh! Shiny!"

Oy. Vey.


  1. Love it, love it, love it!! I was laughing out loud!
    And sorry to say, but you'll always be "Waterhouse", at least I'm not calling you just "Water" like Janelle does.

  2. Wow...suddenly teaching 5 year olds that relieve themselves out of fear while sitting on your lap on the first day of school seems appealing!

  3. That is hilarious!