- Boring literary works can be improved by adding -izzle to their titles: Ulyssizzle, Moby Dizzle, Hizzle of Darknizzle.
- Dates should be formated as MM/DD/YY except for the years 1990 through 1992, which should be denoted in 'Hammer Time.'
- "Among" if you're in normal society; "Amongst" if you're in a period drama made by the BBC.
- When writing about a stabbing victim's "fountain of blood," be specific. What kind- Drinking? Soda? Decorative?
- Refer to him as "President Obama" when he first appears in an article, "Soul Brother Number 1" in subsequent mentions.
- The distinction between "thee" and "thou" depends on which Ren Faire troupe you belong to, you big nerd.
- The numbers one through ten should be spelled out while numbers greater than ten are products of the Illuminati and should be avoided.
- "Lego" is the plural. There is no singular because what the hell can you do with only one of them?
- The plural of TARDIS is still TARDIS, but it stands for "Time and Relative Dimensions in Spaces."
- The plural of July is "Steves." I know that doesn't make sense, but that's our crazy English language for you.
- Before using public domain works in your story, wash your hands. Other people have to use them too, you know.
- "Frak" should only be used if you're fighting Cylons. Are you fighting Cylons? Yeah, didn't think so.
- The proper use of (R) is when stating something a pirate might say. "That squid had a face a mile long, he did (R)."
- Dr Pepper doesn't have a period in it. An easy way to remember this is 'Doctors are dudes and dudes don't get periods.'
- The Channing is a unit of punctuation used whenever an exclamation point is insufficient: The mayor was arrested today, RASPBERRIES!
- Always remember to close all parentheses. We're not paying to air condition the entire paragraph.
Tuesday, August 09, 2011
English Major Alert!
I just discovered the Fake AP Stylebook on Twitter. It is highly entertaining, as you can see in the examples below. Please to enjoy:
at 10:51 AM