Wednesday, April 20, 2011

As Long As You're Happy

A couple of months ago Jason and I were discussing possible summer travel plans. Sometime after ruling out Morocco but before Canada came up Jason said, "Why don't you come out here?"

"What?" I asked.

"Come to DC; you can stay with me. You can go to museums or read or whatever you want during the day and we can do things together on the weekends."

How could I possibly turn that down? We batted around dates for a while inbetween saying things like "Ooh! Harry Potter! We can go see that together!" or "I went to another restaurant we should try when you get out here," or "We should sign up for this!" We knew we wanted to do a roadtrip somewhere sometime since Jason deserves a vacation, too. Between Jason moving to a new apartment, Craig coming out to Colorado in July, and other things we both want to do, the length of my stay both fluctuated and grew.

When we finally established a rough timeline I pulled up some possible flight itineraries. And then I found one that worked. And then I saw the "Length of Trip: 42 Days" part. And then I canceled the sale.

42 days is a really long time. I mean, we've known each other for 12 years, we've visited each other and traveled together a lot in that time and I know we get along really well.

But still! 42 days!

I sent another email to Jason to make sure he really was up for having a roommate for that long (He is!), then I squished my fears of being the guest who incredibly overstays her welcome and took the plunge: I bought my plane ticket last night.

I'm really excited. I love having specific travels in my future. Now when high schoolers are whining at me I silently remind myself that I get to live in DC for six weeks this summer and read and go to museums and do whatever I want.

Six weeks. Holy crap.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

With Catlike Tread

I have two plays left to go this year, and I spent 4th period today teaching my Intro. to Drama class the dance for the song at the end of their show.

I including the hay in the dance, so there was that natural stage of them freaking out over it. To their surprise, though, they learned it and they'll be great as long as no one falls off the stage.

The song, though, won't get out of my head. The lyrics ("Dead, dead, poor Hamlet's dead!/Vengeance had to happen/with chicken as a weapon...") are sung to "Hail, Hail the Gang's All Here!" That would be this song:





Or, as I know it:


(The tune starts at 00:42)

I share this with the hopes that, like me, you

1) spend the day humming that tune

and

2) watch the whole "Pirates" clip anyway just so you can see Kevin and Rex lunging forward in leather pants and open shirts.

(You're welcome, Rachel)

Friday, April 15, 2011

Western People Funny


One of my monk friends, Phra Sanjoy (pictured here with Phra Bart), sent me a link this morning to this article. To my surprise, I'm quoted in it! Well, kind of. Despite some inaccuracies (There were actually three Buddhist volunteers working there with me, and "each day one of the cooks delivers breakfast, lunch, and dinner" my foot!), it was fun to read about the program and to see pictures of my student monks.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Quiet!

BEEEE.




BEEEE.




BEEEE.




BEEEE.




BEEEE.




BEEEE.




(This is why I'm not asleep yet.)




BEEEE.




BEEEE.




BEEEE.

Monday, April 11, 2011

Is This the Real Life?

It's 3:05.

My grades are totally up to date.

I don't have any students waiting for my attention.

I don't have projects or orders or painting or prop shopping or sewing or anything I need to be doing right now.

I get to GO HOME.

And it's 3:05.

Say it with me now:

Saturday, April 09, 2011

Perfect Family

As you can see below, my spring break got off to a wonderful start. For the second half of my week off, I headed down to Grand Junction to visit my family.

There were, technically, two reasons for the trip:
1) Saturday was my mom's birthday and
2) Barry Laga and my parents were playing in the high school's annual community knowledge bowl and I wanted to play, too.

Andy came down from Salt Lake for the weekend for the same two reasons and, much to all of our delight, Rachel decided at the last minute to bring Jack down for the weekend, too.

It was simply grand to get to hang out with my family all weekend. I even got a bonus day! I was about 40 minutes into my drive back to Denver on Sunday when I passed a sign announcing that I-70 was closed due to a spring blizzard. So, I turned around, called in for a sub, did what I could online for my school to-do list, and enjoyed an extra day at home.

The weekend wasn't anything exciting, but it is pretty awesome that my family got to be together and that we all genuinely like being together. Rachel posted some pictures of the weekend here, if you'd like to see.

Getting Out of Town

I'm done! Done, done, done!

I survived the field trip and the Speech banquet this week, which means next week I have nothing, NOTHING, after school! I'm only teaching! That's it! Can you imagine?

I spent this, my first Saturday off, doing light work - I washed and vacuumed my car, scrubbed down my bathroom, went grocery shopping (at Sunflower so I could get some good produce), made a home-version of Chipotle's steak salad (with this dressing), and now I'm watching Inception while finally getting around to blogging about my spring break (yes, I've seen it before. But I've been on a Joseph Gordon-Levitt kick after watching a lot of 3rd Rock from the Sun on Netflix lately as well as this video about how they filmed the hotel hallway fight scene).

So! Spring Break.

I flew to Seattle Thursday night. The flight was smooth and, thanks to a certain app I got for the trip, it passed quickly.

Emily met me at the airport and began what was to be a string of surprises for the weekend - she had booked us a room at a lovely hotel downtown! I tell you what, her husband is pretty spiffy. Ben was taking the kids for the day on Friday so Emily and I could play in the city. And sleep in. We mustn't forget the sleeping in.

We first went to a Cheesecake Factory near the airport so Emily could get some dinner and I could get some cheesecake. After we checked into the hotel, we ate cheesecake in bed while flipping between HGTV and the Food Network. Most excellent. I fell asleep sometime around 1:30 AM, thus setting the precedent for the trip.

We woke up around 10:00 the next morning to a gorgeous day outside. Behold:

Seattle

We discussed options like going to see Jane Eyre or hitting the art museum again, but ultimately decided that we didn't want to be pinned down by a schedule. Instead we headed for Pike Place Market for our favorite breakfast:

Seattle

Gyros from Mr. D's!

Seattle

Delicious. Also, please note the daffodils on the roof of the market. As I told Emily, I wanted to go to the market specifically to be jealous of the flowers. And I was. Sigh.

We browsed and wandered and ate the most delicious cheese curds which we artistically arranged in a photo for you in front of pussy willow branches:

Seattle

until it was time to head up to Mt. Vernon. We relived Ben of the kiddos and went to Bellingham to wander along the coast. Caitlyn and Logan climbed rocks and hunted for crabs and provided all kinds of entertainment.

Seattle

Seattle



We got dinner, frozen yogurt, and even had time to swing by Trader Joe's before they closed. Man, I wish we could have Trader Joe's in Colorado!

After we put the kids to bed, Emily and I stayed up late again talking despite Emily's tantalizing reminders that we were heading off on our next adventure early the next morning.

And, in fact, we did! Ben and the kids dropped us off at the train station where Emily and I took the Amtrak to Vancouver!

Vancouver

Emily had booked us into yet another fantastic hotel and, to add to her duplicity, she had already exchanged money so we wouldn't need to go to a bank. (Really, the weekend could be tallied by the battle over who got to pay for what. Emily was both devious ((pre-paid hotel rooms, train tickets, etc)) and downright aggressive ((such as when she threatened to knock me down, tell the cashier my credit card was a fraud, and cause a scene when I tried to pay for both of our purchases at H&M)). I managed to pay for a few meals, mostly by making arrangements with the waitresses while Emily was in the bathroom. It was extraordinarily generous of her and also made for some fun arguments.)

We dropped off our luggage at the hotel and headed out on the town. Our first stop was lunch, which we got at a Greek place in a mall.

Vancouver

(Are you sensing a theme here?)

We visited a most excellent bookstore called Chapters (the Canadian version of Borders, I assume?) and a chocolate cafe that Ben had discovered on a previous trip called Mink. Oh, it was delicious. Emily and I shared two fondue sets - one with fruit:

Vancouver

and one with s'mores:

Vancouver

(The oranges dipped in dark chocolate were my favorite.)

We then went back to the hotel and changed for a play. Emily had gotten tickets to a production of Shaw's The Philanderer! After an erroneous cab ride we got to the theater about an hour before the show. We walked around a bit before finding a pan-Asian restaurant to eat at. We just ordered a bunch of appetizers, including a green papaya salad like the one I learned to make in Thailand. Yum!

The show was very well done. The set and costumes were excellent and the script was quite interesting. A lot of talk about the point and purpose of marriage and Ibsen. The director's notes in the program described how there is actually an unpublished fourth act that she used in cutting this production's script together. I looked up the original script when we got back to the hotel and found with a cursory read that her cutting changed the ending and the characterizations significantly. I've got it on my iPad for future reading - there are many quotable lines and I'm curious to reread it to see what else she changed.

Congratulating ourselves on staying awake through the whole thing (thanks, in part, to the reviving powers of gummy bears), we left the theater to discover not a taxi cab in sight. Hmm. While we were wondering how to get back to the hotel, a bus pulled up to a nearby stop. Noting that it's destination was listed as "Downtown", I pulled Emily aboard. Adventure!

Actually, it wasn't that adventurous. The bus' normal route was altered due to a movie filming, so we followed the driver's instructions and changed buses a few stops in. The second bus took us within a few blocks of the hotel. The sad part about when everything works out smoothly is that I lack exciting travel stories. Hoping on an unknown bus in the outskirts of a foreign city late at night really should have produced more excitement, don't you think?

We went to a CVS-type of store to get some of the food items Ben had requested as well as nail polish remover so we could use the nail polish we got at H&M ealier. We stopped by the side of the hotel where the movie was being filmed and watched a taxi cab race up and down the street. Then we went back to our hotel room and painted our toenails blue while watching The Two Towers in bed. We fell asleep sometime around 2:00 AM and slept well into the next morning.

Since our train didn't leave until late afternoon, we still had a few hours in Canada despite our late rising. We talked about doing some of the touristy things, but decided ultimately we just wanted to wander around the city. After a stop at Urbanfare for a European-style breakfast (bread, fruit, yogurt, cheese, and a lot of reminiscing of the breakfasts we ate when we backpacked it), we walked to Gastown and Chinatown. Here are some pictures of the day:

Vancouver
A quote at Urbanfare that reminded me of my dad

Vancouver
The excellent weather holds

Vancouver
The steam-powered clock in Gastown

Vancouver
The maple leaf is everywhere!

Vancouver
Chinatown!

And then in Chinatown we found the prize of the trip:

Vancouver
A Japanese dollar store!

Oh, man. We spent a long time in there. They had bento-box tools:

Vancouver

Vancouver
weird candy (but not the instant-sushi, Andy and Ben. I looked for it, I promise!),

Vancouver
and a whole wall of chopsticks!

We took the Skytrain back to the center of the business district in search of poutine. Although many of the restaurants we passed advertised it, we had been told that the best poutine in Vancouver was to be found here:

Vancouver

The interior was quite promising with a long list of possible dips and rings for holding your cone of fries:

Vancouver

but we were there on a mission. Poutine, I learned, is French fries topped with cheese curds covered in gravy. Behold:

Vancouver

It is a food that could only come from a country that is a) cold and b) alcohol-friendly. As gross as it sounds, though, poutine is pretty dang good. Behold:

Vancouver

although it does make you feel like this:

Vancouver

Keeping up our healthy dining, we walked back to Mink and got ourselves one last chocolate treat before getting back on the train to the States.

The train follows the coast and, since we were traveling at sunset, it was a stellar view (including three bald eagle sightings! And a spring factory!):

Vancouver

Ben and the kids met us at the train station and we grownups stayed up very late again talking.

After Caitlyn got off to school and Logan got back from pre-school, Emily, Logan, and I drove to LaConner.

We saw the fields of daffodils:

Vancouver

Got a healthy lunch from a cute bakery:
Seattle

Went to a fun bookstore and tried to stay out of the cold ocean wind:
Seattle

Monday night we all ate pizza and watched Despicable Me together (I hadn't seen it so Logan and Caitlyn were very nice about not quoting the whole thing until after it was over). Since it was my last night, Emily and I went to bed at the very reasonable hour of 3:00 AM.

Caitlyn and Logan came along with us to the airport the next day, so we got lunch at a Rainforest Cafe. Well, Emily and I had lunch. The kids spent the time more like this:

Seattle

Which was fun. Really, the whole weekend was fantastic and I couldn't be more lucky to have a friends like the Walls. Thank you, Emily, for a delightful (and delicious!) start to Spring Break!

Vancouver

Thursday, April 07, 2011

Ah! Sweet Mystery of Life

Mystery Print by chitarita
Mystery Print, a photo by chitarita on Flickr.

I came home this evening to discover an elongated FedEx box on my front porch. I opened it and discovered a limited-edition lithograph called "Party Animal".

I have absolutely no idea who sent it or why. It's definitely addressed to me; my name's even listed as "customer" on the Certificate of Authenticity.

Are you a blog reader, O Gift-Giver of mystery? Will you please identify yourself so I can thank you properly for this fun print that made my week?

Tuesday, April 05, 2011

Busy

I will tell you about my break, I promise. However, my dreams of a relaxed post-speech-post-musical schedule are on hold again thanks to the field trip (23 kids to DCTC for a tour, workshop, and to see As You Like It) tomorrow and the Speech Banquet on Friday.

Soon. Soon, soon, soon! Soon I will work less and blog more!

Right?


Right?

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Good Morning

Scenes from a Morning with the Walls

Setting: House o' Wall, home to Emily, Ben, Caitlyn (6), and Logan (4). Specifically, Caitlyn's bedroom. I am asleep in a remarkably pink bed. In the early-morning darkness I hear heavy breathing hovering in front of my face.

I think: Hmm... no whiskers poking my cheek. It can't be Nash.

I open my eyes and see Caitlyn's nose about two inches from my nose. When she sees my eyes open, she grins. I'm silent. She's silent. We stare at each other for a few minutes.

Emily's voice from her bedroom: Caitlyn! Leave Manda alone!

Caitlyn scurries away. I go back to sleep.

Later, I am up and in the bathroom brushing my teeth. The door opens a crack.

Logan: Manda?

Me: (through the minty foam) Yeth?

The door opens further, just enough to let in a box of cereal, which Logan tips towards the countertop.

Logan: I brought you breakfast, Manda.

Emily's voice from her bedroom: Logan ! Leave Manda alone!

Logan scurries away.

Later, I am in the bathroom getting ready for the day. I hear a plaintive scratching at the bathroom door.

Emily: (From the other side of the door, mischievously) Manda?

Ben's voice from their bedroom: Emily! Leave Manda alone!




The House of Wall is indeed a fantastic place to be. Thanks for the great weekend, Em!

Sunday, March 27, 2011

A Quote to Remember

"His idea of roughing it is not being able to find good cheese."
-Emily

Canada! Whoo!

Emily and I have run away to Canada. We are eating a great deal of chocolate, we have blue toenails, and Emily has promised some sort of exotic cuisine called "poutine".

We may not come back.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

It'll All Blow Over

It probably wasn't the best idea to wear a skirt on a day like this:


Many a person saw my thighs today (and I got stuck in the traffic jam caused by one of those overturned trucks. Fun!).

Also? I've had 3667% of my daily recommended Vitamin C today. I'm taking preventative measures against my usual post-show-cold and scurvy! Yay health!

Monday, March 21, 2011

I Feel So Much Spring Within Me

Today was a good day. Here's why:
  • It was a sunny 60 degrees up in Mountain Town today. Crazy high winds, but they were spring-scented blusters.
  • I deposited a whole bunch of money into the drama account this morning and discovered that we are not only in the black post-show, but we turned a very tidy profit.
  • My top priority with said profit is more lights for the auditorium (we currently have 6 working lights. 6! 6=pathetic).
  • I got to tell my 3rd period class that they earned enough funds for their field trip, AND
  • I got to tell them that the MT police want to stage a fake car crash to raise awareness of drunk driving the week of prom and they want my students to play the victims (which means blood and bruises and other stage makeup goodness!).
  • I had a yummy pomegranate seed and goat cheese salad from Whole Foods for lunch (thanks, Mom and Dad!).
  • I took my 4th period class to the auditorium for a concert by a military brass band from San Diego. They were excellent in terms of music, funniness, and looking good in uniforms. It made me really want to go to New Orleans again (Just warning you, Jason).
  • I left right after school let out (!!!) and packed up the condo to go home for the first time in over a week.
  • I get to sleep in my very own bed for three straight nights!
  • I actually had the time and energy to file my taxes tonight, and thanks to my not paying my 2009 tithing until after January 1 last year, I'm getting a very nice tax return this year (TurboTax said my charitable contributions were unusually high for someone of my income. No kidding - between tithing and my tax-deductible Thailand trip, I bet they are!).
  • I also finally cracked the code to be able to order more garments online. I am excited about this because I don't want to do my laundry right now. Forget washing clothes! Buy new ones instead!
  • And, finally, I got this enticing packing list from Emily in anticipation of my visit:
Passport, shoes for getting wet, shoes for attempting to keep dry, a jacket that can withstand the elements, something to wear that says I am both classy and up for adventure, and a kerchief (I will provide the hobo stick)

Who wouldn't want to go on a trip with that kind of packing list? I ask you!

Sunday, March 20, 2011

You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown

The end of my first official day off in a long while is drawing to a close. I'm up at the condo still - my family stayed up here too last night after seeing the show, and we enjoyed a lazy morning together. By the time Rachel, Ben, Jack, Mom, and Dad bundled off to their respective homes, I decided I would rather stay up here and watch Downton Abbey rather than pack up tonight and drive down the mountain. And so I did.

The show went very well. The cast, crew, and audience were all quite happy with it, and we played to a virtually sold-out house all three nights (260 seats, if you're wondering). The students celebrated by giving Rachel, Jesse, Melody, Ann, and me bouquets and then getting into a massive glitter fight backstage using the "Suppertime" plates I mentioned earlier this week.

The Adv. Drama class also found success in selling concessions as a fundraiser for a field trip in a few weeks. We needed to raise $400 to pay for the bus, and they managed to earn over $500. Of course, they also broke the school's popcorn machine, so we'll see how much of that money they get to keep. :)

I'm having a hard time shutting off the note-taking part of my brain. It's been a week of work dreams and I keep thinking there's more props to make or sets to paint or things I need to remind the actors about. I do have two more shows to go this year, so that should help with the withdrawal symptoms.

I'm glad it went well.


(Photo courtesy Rachel)

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

About Time

"You have too much free time," a student commented today when I showed them the Beethoven t-shirt I drew last night.

"Actually, I don't have any," I replied, "I've been working almost non-stop for the last month."

Sadly, that's not really an exaggeration. It was while I was kneeling alone in the auditorium at 7:30 tonight duct-taping the bus back together in anticipation of tomorrow's show that I got to thinking again about how much I've been working, not just this past month, but since the school year began.

The thing is, it's just not good for me. This kind of schedule is not healthy physically, emotionally, socially, spiritually, on any kind of level.

However, it is my job.

It's a pickle I'm not tackling yet. I need to get through show week first. Then I'll think about it.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Impossible!

Can it be?

My midterms are all scored.

All class grades are in and posted for the quarter.

40 plates are glittered.

A t-shirt has a picture of Beethoven on it (yay for Sharpies!).

The set's totally done.

The program's typed and proofed.

The actor/techie bios are ready to print.

And it's 1 minute to 9.

Glory be, I'm going to get 8 hours of sleep tonight. Whoo!

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Razzle Dazzle

I spent my Sunday evening covering plastic plates with the herpes of crafts.

Glitter time!

I spent my Saturday painting the set. Well, really I spent it instructing and supervising a dozen teenagers while they painted the set. But still, long workday.

Tomorrow I'll post quarter grades, draw a cartoon Beethoven on a t-shirt, make a miniature keyboard, print programs, teach three classes, conduct a 4-hour rehearsal, supervise the lunchroom, and glitterfy another 15 plates.

One more week. Just one more week.


P.S. Dear Mom and Dad - The condo may be a bit sparklier than how you remember it.

Glitter Cat

Natasha may be, too.

Anything You Can Do

While reading the comments on this article about teacher pay I came across this:

"One of the dirty little secrets of education is that outside of athletic coaches and performing arts teachers, it is very hard to determine really effective (a more realistic standard than excellence) teaching."

I've restarted this blog entry six or seven times so far and I still can't figure out how to articulate the issues this presents.

Like how effectiveness is constantly measured by competition and therefore creates a hierarchy of people instead of allowing for the radical notion that multiple people may qualify as effective/excellent.

Or how competition such a big part of public schools, which perpetuates the idea that "winning" means besting other people rather than measuring your own growth and personal achievements against yourself.

I wonder what the author meant when he said my teaching effectiveness is not hard to determine because I teach performing arts. Do the public performances my students put on really fully demonstrate my performance as a teacher? Is he/she calling for similar public displays of mathematical, geographical, scientific, or historical learning? And what happens when the judges sitting in my audience watching their children speak Shakespeare and sing Schultz by and large have minimal to no knowledge or experience with theater prior to that performance?

It's why I hate Speech. I hate watching my students be judged and base their self-worth on the opinions of people who have absolutely no knowledge of what they're judging. It's a horribly flawed program and I hate that so much pressure is put on the students and on me to win when that "winning" comes through the opinions of biased, uninformed, complete and total lay people.

The parents who praise me and my teaching rarely do so because their child comes away with such great knowledge of theater. (Ironically, given the absence of their voices in this whole dialogue, it is the students who consistently praise me for how much they learn about whatever subject area I'm teaching them) The parents praise my teaching because of the growth in their child's self-worth, social awareness, leadership abilities, social aptitude, confidence in their ability to achieve and learn, and, quite simply, because sometimes my class is the reason that kid gets up in the morning.

None of which, by the way, is listed in the state or national curricula for my courses.

I agree that the salary-based-rewards given to teachers based on Master's degrees and years of experience (i.e. loyalty to a school district) do not equate to rewarding the more effective teachers. I agree that teachers should be compensated based on effectiveness if a fair measure of teacher effectiveness can be found. I really do appreciate that this author acknowledged the existence of teachers in subject areas outside of the core curricula. I just hope that a reform comes to teacher pay that allows for the fact that very few subjects covered in schools can accurately be measured by traditional tests.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Kids

Aqueducts 2011

It's Aqueducts Time again!

Yup, it's that time of year when I bring out the IVs and saline bags and let my students explore the physics of Roman plumbing. Which means my classroom looked like this:

Aqueducts 2011

And I kept thinking "Come on, Principal! Come on, Superintendent! Someone come by for a surprise observation!" To no avail, dang it.

Aqueducts 2011

It's a good lesson plan, though. I can tell since 1) two different office aides/former Humanities students came by my room during the period to deliver notes and both exclaimed on entering, "Aqueducts! Awesome! I remember those!" and 2) a current student who also has me for drama declared during that class' check-in, "I'm Bridget and I'm good today and YOU ALL SHOULD TAKE HUMANITIES BECAUSE IT"S AWESOME AND YOU SEE THOSE WET SPOTS ALL OVER THE FLOOR? THAT'S FROM AQUEDUCTS!"

Aqueducts 2011

So, yeah, it was a good day. Even at rehearsal, where the leads don't know all their lines and everyone's stumbling over the addition of the live band and the microphones aren't working, even amidst all the stress and frustrations of this part of the run we're still laughing as a group and the mood's surprisingly upbeat. We wrapped up the run with about a half-hour left, so I decided to teach bows today and save us that time tomorrow.

I explained the plan, and the kids cried, "NO! It's not Friday! You can't!"

I was tickled that they had been listening when I told them earlier in the week that practicing bows prior to dress rehearsals is bad luck. "Eh, it'll be fine. I'm not that superstitious."

"NOOO!" They cried, smiling. "Don't curse us!"

"Yeah, well, you know what else? Macbeth."

"Aauugghh!" cried the ones who have taken drama with me. "Go outside! Undo it!"

(I did undo it for them, after we ran the bows.)

The biggest laugh of the day came when, in the middle of a scene, I heard a gaggle of students behind me in the house. I turned to see what was going on, and found a group who were trying (and failing) to hold in their giggles as they said over and over, "It's stuck!"

"What's stuck?" I asked, trying to keep an ear on the scene on stage at the same time.

The group parted to reveal our Pigpen. He sheepishly held out his hand. He had apparently been messing around with the kite bobbins backstage and, well...

Aqueducts 2011

(and anyone who has any experience with 9th grade boys will not be at all surprised to see which finger it's stuck on)

"I can't get it off!" he said.

Being the responsible adult in the room, I first took a picture on my cell phone, then I tried twisting and pulling on the tube. It wasn't budging a millimeter; and, judging by the redness of his knuckle, he had been trying to do the same for a while before confessing to me.

"Should I get some scissors?" an eager student asked.

"No," I said. The tube is made of thick cardboard, and besides, it is a prop. We need that tube. Instead, I took Pigpen by the wrist. "Come with me," I said, pulling him up on stage and to the bathroom in the wings. The gaggle followed closely behind.

Sadly, the soap in the school bathrooms is the foamy kind. I tried anyway, greasing up his finger and the tube. No luck.

"Scissors?" the eager student asked again.

"Not yet." I wiped down Pigpen's hand and led him into my office. The gaggle followed closely behind.

"String..." I said, looking around. "I need some string." The gaggle immediately started tearing apart my office. One girl triumphantly held up a piece of yarn.

"Excellent," I said. "Thank you." I then tried a variation of the string trick, but it really doesn't work on a tube that long.

"Awww..." moaned the gaggle in disappointment when the tube didn't budge.

"That's okay," I said. "There's still one more thing we can try."

"Scissors?"

"Nope." I took Pigpen's wrist again and held up his hand. "Sorry about this, Chris, but it works best." And with that, I licked his finger.

"Ewww!" cried the gaggle.

"Yeah, I know," I said, "but saliva's nice and slimy." I swiped my finger in my mouth and coated his finger again. Then, with just a little wiggling, I slid the tube off his finger.

"Yay!" The gaggle cried.

"Shh!" I shushed, smiling. "Quiet backstage."

"Yay!" The gaggle whispered.

"Now go wash your hand," I told the still-stunned Pigpen as I headed back to the front of house to get back to the scene and to rinse out my mouth.