I've been feeling blue the last few days. It's the result of a variety of things, including a dual homesickness.
I'm wanting to be with my family and doing Christmas the way we usually do. I'm excited for auditions this week, and I like two of my classes well enough that I'm glad to have more time with them before they're dissolved at the end of the term. But still, I'm tired, I need a real break, and I miss my family. We're also trying to figure out how to do Christmas together this year properly, and I'm sad that no matter what, we're just not going to be able to do Christmas like we've always done. I knew that it had to end someday, and I figured when Rachel announced her pregnancy last year that Christmas 2009 would be the last of the way we used to do it, but I'm still really bummed that this year's just not going to be the same. Which I think is why I've been feeling, well, lonely this week.
It finally started to feel a little bit like Christmas for me yesterday when I ran some errands. I went to the spice store for some gifts for people, and walking around downtown Littleton buying presents and sipping mulled cider finally gave me a little of that sens du Noel.
December always makes me homesick for Germany, too. Of all the places I've lived in December, Germany is the most Christmasy to me. I think it was the Christkindelsmariks - the yellow glow, the wooden booths, the Santa figurines, the glass ornaments, the smell of wurst and cider and frost, and the sound of people and oompah-bands. All I have to do is take in a lungfull of cold air or see some frost clinging to pine-covered hills and I miss it horribly.
Jason and I were talking potential vacations tonight. I wanted to discuss travel plans, since another reason I'm blue is that I don't have any major trips set right now. All kinds of possibilities, but nothing I can firmly point to and say, "There. There is where I get to go in a few months, so keep on working1"
We know we want to do at least one trip together this summer, but in batting around other ideas we came on the possibility of going to Strasbourg over winter break next year.
It's not impractical - I actually get out of school on Dec. 16th, so we could fly to Europe, revel in the markets in Strasbourg for a week, and fly back to our respective families in time for Christmas (with suitcases full of treats, of course). Jason said his family wouldn't mind him losing a few days with them if he brought back goodies. I told him that if I told my parents I was going to Strasbourg in December, there's a good chance they would tell me they're coming along. (We're both okay with that, by the way, Mom and Dad.)
And so instead of doing the projects I should be doing tonight, I looked at photos like this:
And my heart is just welling up with homesickness.