Apathy

I don't know if it's spring fever, burn-out, or a holdover of the events of last week, but I am having a really hard time caring. Probably a combination of all three.

 I am very much going through the motions at work. On one hand, my classes are essentially running themselves. Advanced Drama has a play next week (the last of the year, thank goodness). We finished blocking it today, so now it's just drill, drill, drill. It's the kind of show that could use a lot of creative prop-making and set-building, the kind of design I love, but I just don't want to. I'm tired of making plays. I've produced the same number of plays in the last eight months that most professional theater companies produce in the same amount of time. Granted, their plays are a lot better than mine. But, on the other hand, they have at least a dozen people doing my job.

I have turned my Intro. to Drama class loose on a film project for these last few weeks. With "Blink" for inspiration, they're working in groups to create a 3-5 minute suspenseful movie that makes something everyday or commonplace scary. They're in the screenplay/storyboard phase right now, but every group is very much into it and working remarkably well together. I touch base with them through the period, call the full group together once in a while to give them examples and instructions for the next steps (such as this series of camera tricks that don't require a computer from the Intel Film Festival), but really, they don't need me for anything beyond the assignment, the cameras (thanks, Dad!), and the occasional dispute-settlement.

 Humanities is clicking along. We wrapped up Neoclassicism today, just in time for their unit test tomorrow and a crash course in Twelfth Night and Impressionist art before their field trip Friday. I also want to squeeze in a class about appreciating ballet, thanks to a terrific list of video clips Rachel sent me over the weekend. Ideally, she'd come in and teach it for me; it's so much fun to hear her pick apart and narrate what she's seeing when she watches dance. I can point out the basics - the lines, the extension, the overall gracefulness. But 18 years (Rachel - 18 years? Is that right?) of dancing taught her to see so much more than I do when she watches Svetlana and co.

Part of this issue may be that school's just easy for me now. I'm completely caught up on grading, my classes take minimal prep. I've trained myself to be done when the last bell rings so I can run off to practice or rehearsal or whatever.  Now I just tidy up my desk and wait for my car pool group.  Sure, there's the daily wrestle to keep students who are less than 20 days away from summer engaged, but that's not too hard. These are good kids and we've got a good rapport.

 I am finding it really hard to care about going to work or anything really. I feel tired, unfulfilled, and insignificant. This despite some solidified summer travel plans and some further travel details in the works. I keep reminding myself about those, telling myself to look forward to them. But I just don't feel my usual joie de vivre. I've lost it before, but never for so long. It's been weeks since I've felt like myself, and I'm not sure how to fix it.