Back to Life, Back to Reality

I spent part of the day yesterday trying to figure out if I could head home early.  I'm scheduled to leave DC next Tuesday.  I love Jason's company and this town; but I don't have anything to keep me productive and I am reluctant to do anything that costs money.  I am consumed with the thought of (and the dread of) the state my home is in right now.  It's dry, but there is a ton of repair work that needs to be done.  Despite my best efforts and a more-than-heroic amount of help from my mom while I was abroad, the work just isn't happening.  I think the repair company is taking advantage of my absence to put off doing the work I've already approved, using the Waldo Canyon fires as further excuses for their delays.

As much as I'd like to be home, though, it's not going to happen; the price of changing my ticket is just too high.  And so I'm spending a lot of my time on the phone with the insurance companies, the HOA, and the repair guys trying to get the job going.  It would be nice if the major work was done by the time I got home.  I have doubts.

I need new carpeting, kitchen flooring, and, thanks to their ripping out the lower parts of my walls to dry the interiors, new drywall and paint.  The HOA's insurance policy won't cover anything other than the drywall, and it has also come to light that I had been sold the wrong type of insurance for my secondary policy, so there's a really good chance that none of those repairs will be covered.  So while Jason talks about hiking Mt. Kilimanjaro next summer, I'm giving up any big travel plans to pay for new carpeting and paint out of pocket.  Shakes fist at washing machine pipes.  (Not that I'd want to hike a mountain with him.  Far too much nature for my tastes.)

In an effort to be productive, I went to Home Depot today and came home with an armful of carpet samples and paint chips.  I also came home grumpy.  It feels like a lot of major decision-making is required in areas where I feel little confidence in my abilities or knowledge.  Secondarily, I am feeling very aware of being alone in these decisions (despite the excellent support of my family).  Finally, there's a part of me that just wants to go home.  I haven't been home, properly home, since that one night there I snagged after the New York trip at the end of May; but even next Tuesday that won't be possible.  My home is a mess of ripped up carpeting, exposed studs, boxed up belongings, and misplaced furniture.  It isn't a home right now, and it won't be until I get through a lot of obstacles that have to take time.

And school starts up again in less than two weeks.

I should be excited about this.  I get to redo my place.  I get new carpeting, which I really did need.  The old carpeting, put in by the previous owners, was the cheapest possible and didn't even have a pad in some places.  Some of the samples I brought home are so plush I keep running my fingers over them.  And rubbing them against my cheek.  And I may have hugged a larger carpet sample at the store today so I could close my eyes just for a moment and pretend I was lying on the floor at home.

This will be a good thing in the end.  I just have to get it to begin.