Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Great/Not Great

I tend to forget how insane May is for anyone school-affiliated.  Yes, I am done with play productions as of last weekend (2 comedic one acts, small audiences but students had fun and are proud.  I'm just glad I don't have to come up with a Chthulu costume or a goat that can be dismembered or whatever other props plays include just to drive me batty); but there's still post-tests and finals and buckets of grading and kids/parents who finally, just now, decide they want to pass after all and can I please assemble all of their missing work for them (No) on top of meetings and more meetings and curriculum writing for next year and one more field trip and Grad Night and Senior Awards Night and a Pin Assembly and graduation itself and, and, and-

And I'm stressed out.  I'm researching possible calendar apps for school-wide use next year, and every time I sync to a new app and see my calendar for this month I get a headache.  With two exceptions, I have things going on after school or in the evening every. single. day. this month.  Plus, I'm still trying to figure out China hotels and visas and trains and where I should stay in London and what do I pack/read for Oxford and, oh, yeah, I'm in charge of 17 high schoolers in New York; and, and, and-

This is me right now.  I'm very much aware of how lucky I am to have the activities I have this summer, but I've got a chest cold and I'm not sleeping enough and my 4A class spent most of the period arguing at me (and I do mean at me - I'm deliberately not engaging, water off a duck's back, all Zen-like, but it still stresses me out) and declaring that "You hate us, don't you?" when I ask them to stop talking and get to work and I'm tired of not being happy when I don't have a good reason to be unhappy and I really should go see a therapist but I've never done that before and when I'm faced with doing something I don't know how to do in America I avoid it like I avoid camping (yet I have no problem doing new things in other countries because: foreigner) and I should probably talk to someone about my anxiety over that but how do I do that when figuring out how to talk to someone is what's causing the anxiety and, and, and-

All I want to do is go see "Avengers 2."  Just go eat a burger at the Alamo and enjoy Joss Whedon's work and Chris Evans' charm and Chris Hemsworth's arms.  Is that so much to ask?

Maybe in six weeks I can.

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