Thursday, May 29, 2008

Lookin' Good But Feelin' Bad

This week has been a turmoil of emotions for me.

First, happiness:
Teresa, Nick, and I rendez-voused at my place on Saturday and watched more of "Slings & Arrows".
Sunday, Heidi, Brent and I drove to Boise to see Saltimbanco (which is totally worthe the drive to Boise!). We stayed the night at the nice Cambria Suites, and I got to meet Heidi's awesome friend, Mary. I'll post pictures from this trip soon.

Then, wonder:
As we drove into the valley on Monday afternoon, I suddenly felt very strongly like this wasn't home for me anymore. Denver's home now, and this is just temporary. Odd that the feeling came so soon!

Then, stress:
Tuesday I got back to school to find Awards Night disaster. I'm not up to describing it here tonight, so just sympathize with me over screwed -up orders, zero time to cope with anything, and kids who suddenly decided that they want summer NOW.

Then, sadness:
I got an email from a woman who said she had just been hired to teach drama at Dead President Junior High next year. While I was thrilled that 1) they hired someone and 2) that person wanted me to help them "make a smooth transition", I was suddenly seized by a fervent and fierce mother-bear determination to protect my program and my kids. They are MINE!

Yeah, I know it's my choice to go, and I'm really not crazy or changing my mind. Still, as soon as I heard from my successor, I was terribly sad about leaving. I'm dreading starting over again, and I'm going to miss my colleagues, my students, and my department.

Then, realization:
I only have to wear dress code five more times!
(Again, my choice, so I'm not really complaining. Still, I totally get where the kids are coming from when they complain about it. I'm sick of it, too. However, I'm still totally in favor of it, so don't go misquoting me around school, oh dear students of mine!)

Then, pride:
After a lot (LOT) more stress and anxiety and determinated-not-crying, the Awards Night came together rather smoothly. My techlings did well with their first time running things without the old techies, many of my kids got awards, and I am downright proud of them all. And there's that sadness again.

Then, excitement:
The seller agreed to fix everything I requested for repairs based on the inspection! I tell you what, either this is the perfect time to buy, or these people are desperate to sell, or I'm missing some major problem with this place. I optimistically suspect the first.

Then, challenge:
Heidi and I decided to submit the teaching play we wrote last summer to a local playwriting festival. Scripts are due Saturday, so we decided to put it all together tonight. Ridiculously ignoring the chaos that is both of our lives right now, we planned for two hours and spent five instead. Still, it's done, we're submitting it, and I'm thrilled! Yay, us!

Now, exhaustion:
'Nuff said.

Given these glimpses of my emotional barometer these past few days (and this is indeed just a glimpse), is it any wonder that I'm sporting a stiff neck, a constant headache, and the perpetual desire to just sit down and cry (which I'm very good at burying)?

It'll come together. For now, I'm gathering boxes, looking forward to a weekend with the fam (they're in town for Andy's college graduation), and bracing myself for a lot of good-byes next week.

1 comment:

  1. You know, it's ok to acknoweldge that you're going through an incredible amount of change all at once. You're giving up two homes. Pack three boxes, then take a break to cry. Repeat as necessary.