Tuesday, February 21, 2012

The Greatest Dance Show in the World

I have been feeling a little jealous of Jason's myriad of awesome dance shows he's attended lately. ("Myriad" doesn't sound right. What would be the collective noun for dance concerts?)

Fortunately, Rachel's birthday weekend and my parents' visit provided the opportunity for us to see The Greatest Dance Show in the World.  And we know that it is The Greatest Dance Show in the World because they told us so in a pre-curtain announcement.  That right there is the mark of a good show.

Another mark of a good show is when they understand the importance of branding.  First of all, you need to make sure your name the title of the show appears in the show itself several times.  How else will you convince the audience to buy the feather-brimmed pink light-up cowboy hats with your name the show's title blinking on the front?  Fortunately, you have an innovative set design that uses several video projection screens, so you can project your name the title right onto those at all the important moments.  But that might not be enough.  After all, the audience will be watching the dancing, not the sets.  I know!  You should also print your name the name of the show on the belt of the main character!  And make it an obscenely big belt!  And then make that belt a key prop in the show!  Yes!

That's good.  That's very good.  Now everyone knows your name the title of the show.  But we need to make sure tickets sell.  Sure, the dancing's good, and people like Ireland, blah, blah, blah.  But you know what I've heard sells?  Sex!  So what if the girls rip off their traditional Irish dresses and finish the number in black sparkly panties and bras?!  That would be awesome!  And then we can project an animated version of those mudflap ladies gyrating on the video screens! We'll totally win over the straight guys in the audience with that!

Oh, and let's throw in some guys in black capes holding flaming torches for tradition, a couple of violin-playing blondes in spike-heeled boots and short skirts in front of video projections of running horses for culture, and a sparkly jester for the kids.

Yes! That's it!  That will guarantee us a show that will run for over 16 years, becoming the biggest grossing tour in entertainment history* and a 3D movie.

We went hoping for cheese.  We were not disappointed.  From the flaming skulls and the Ninja Turtle-like costumes for the bad guys to the alien invasion (complete with 1950's-style UFO!) at the end, this show was everything Rachel was hoping for in a birthday weekend cultural experience.  As a bonus, the dancing itself was actually very good.

So you can brag about your Alvin Ailey viewings all you want, Jason.  I've seen Lord of the Dance.

1 comment:

  1. Did you mention the dancing was good? Because I don't think you did and it was. So, you know, just to be fair, let it be known that the dancing was very very good. (Except the female lead who clearly slept with someone to get the role).